Jazzy's 2nd Gotcha Day

Adam and I just celebrated Jazzy's 2nd Gotcha Day!  We are so incredibly lucky that she is a part of our lives and we wanted to make sure she felt extra special on her Gotcha Day!  

Her 2nd Gotcha Day was a little more low key than her 1st Gotcha Day, but I think Jazzy still enjoyed herself.  We spent the evening by playing all sorts of games and giving her some of her favorite treats.  I tried to get her to pose for a photo in front of the tree, but she was far too enamored of the treats that Adam was holding.    

But she still managed to look awfully cute.  

After we gave up trying to get a photo of Jazzy looking at the camera, we moved on to some games. Jazzy loves to spend time playing games with us, especially if we get down on the floor with her.  

We played get the treat out of the sock...

...and even practiced her newest trick: jumping.  Jazzy has been working on her jumps and let me tell you, she is a jumping fool!  The girl is meant to jump.  Check out this adorable slow-motion video Adam took of Jazzy:

Jazzy sure had a fun time, but was worn out by the end of the evening.    

We love you, Jazzy!

Bring on the Christmas Decorations!

One of the things I continue to love about the holiday season is adding Christmas decorations to my home. Having Christmas decor around the house just makes things seem more cozy. 

The outside of our house and much of the inside looks like it did last year.  I did add a few new touches to our home this year.  I went with the traditional red and green colors.  

Our sofa table has a green theme going on.  I added a pretty green glass bowl, a stack of green books and a sprig of garland in a glass bottle.  What I love most about these items is that they came from my family members!  My mom got me the green glass bowl.  The books came from Adam and my grandma.  And my dad gave me the glass bottle.  It's very sweet to glance at my sofa table and be reminded of all the people I love.     

To contrast the green, I added some hints of red to the living room, as well.  

Jazzy is especially fond of her red Christmas blanket.  Look at her all snuggled up!    

There's also some tinges of red in my dining room.  The red candle on the table picks up the red ribbon on the Twelve Days of Christmas ornaments on the little tree perched on the shelf.  

And my half bathroom needed some holiday cheer, too.  A simple red tea light holder and a red hand towel is all it took to make the small space feel more festive.  

I hope your holiday decorating is bringing you as much cheer as mine has brought me!  

The Holidays Are Hard

I am one of those people who always loved holidays.  I loved holidays of all kind and couldn't wait until the next one came around.  But ever since Adam and I lost our baby, many of the holidays have become bittersweet.

I found out I was pregnant on Valentine's Day in 2012.  I was so excited to tell Adam about it!  I wrapped up the positive pregnancy test in a little gift bag and gave it to him right before we went out to eat.  Now every year that Valentine's Day rolls around, both Adam and I are reminded of the fact that we never got to meet our baby.  While we try to focus on our love for each other on Valentine's Day, we can't help but feel sadness about losing our baby.  

Our due date was close to Halloween.  So now Halloween serves as yet another reminder that we lost our baby.  It doesn't help that Halloween is all about cute kids dressing up.  Adam always comes home bummed on the day in October when his work hosts all the employees' kids for trick or treating around the office.  

Christmas is rough, too.  It seems that one family member or another is always pregnant or recently had a baby.  Seeing all our cousins around our age with their growing families at family gatherings is just plain hard.  It's not that we're not happy for them or that we don't wish them all the absolute best in life.  They simply serve as reminders that we don't have the one thing we want more than anything.  

It makes it more difficult because we feel pressure to feel happy about the holidays and family gatherings. Sometimes I feel like I should have won an Oscar by now for some of the acting I have had to do.  

And after feeling sorry for ourselves, it inevitably leads to guilt.  We have so many things in our lives to be thankful for: each other, our health, our jobs, our home, our sweet Jazzy and the list goes on.  We feel guilty that we can't seem to focus on all those wonderful parts of our lives.  

But you know what?  All those feelings are normal.  Even though it feels like we're alone in feeling them sometimes, I know there are other people who feel the exact same way.  My goal in writing this post is not to be a Debbie Downer or take away anyone's holiday cheer.  I simply want to shed some light on the topic and let anyone struggling know they are not the only ones.

I wish those struggling with infertility this holiday season loads of hope!  Hope for getting through the low points of the season.  Hope for reaching out and asking for help if you need it.  And hope for happier holidays in the future.