Mom Thoughts

The learning curve has been steep when it comes to learning how to be a mom.  I thought I was ready and I thought I knew what to expect.  In some regards, I did.  But there have been many surprises along the way.  Here a just a few of the many things I have learned since becoming a mom:

You have to have more patience than you've ever had in your whole life.  I've always considered myself a patient person.  I think you have to have a certain amount of patience to be a teacher.  But I have had many a day when I've had to muster even more patience than I typically have.  Tending to two little babies' every need can be exhausting! 

When it's 2:30 in the morning and you are trying to get a very rambunctious baby back to sleep takes a lot of patience.  When two babies are screaming at you because it's 10 minutes until they eat their bottle and you just have to smile and sing "The Wheels on the Bus" (for the millionth time in a month), you have to have patience.  Sometimes it would be easier to just scream along with them, but I do my best to stay calm, remain patient and carry on.

I now have a new appreciation for the simple things in life.  I had no idea how time-consuming taking care of two babies would be on a daily (& nightly) basis.  Since Archer and Lyla take up so much of my time, I have a new appreciation for the simple things in life.  For instance, taking a shower is downright heavenly these days.  It's oftentimes the one instance in the day when I'm not holding someone or someone's not touching me.  I get a few minutes to myself and it's lovely.  There's usually two babies hanging out in the bathroom with me, but they're not in the shower.  When they start walking, who knows what will happen!  But for now, I love taking a shower.

The other day I took the babies to Target to get some formula.  Afterwards, they both fell asleep and I decided to get a hot chocolate and just drive around.  I drove around without any destination in mind and listened to my Macklemore cd.  (I can almost see Archer & Lyla rolling their eyes at me, right now.)  I loved every second of it.  Who knew hot chocolate, a car and a cd could bring me so much joy?!

Which leads me to...

I have a deep, undying love for drive-thrus nowadays.  
After wrangling two wiggly babies into car seats and packing all the crap they might possibly need in the car, the thought of having to get them out of the car sometimes seems incredibly daunting.  Then, if you are actually lucky enough to have both babies fall asleep AT THE SAME TIME (!), you really don't want to have to get out of the car.

That's were the beauty of drive-thrus come in.  I love them so very much.  I wish more places offered this service.  The thought of being able to get all my errands done without getting out of the car would be such a dream!  Unfortunately, fast food restaurants tend to be the leader in drive-thrus.  The teenagers who work at Andy's Frozen Custard might know my order by heart these days... 

My "mom body" doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. 

I was slightly terrified about what my body would look like after having twins.  I feared the worse, but am pretty content with how things panned out.  I have a gazillion stretch marks and some loose belly skin.  In fact, my belly resembles a wad of pizza dough.  And I have no idea how boobs so tiny can end up being so saggy, but that's what mine have managed to do.  But I can tuck away my saggy boobs and my pizza dough belly and look pretty decent wearing clothes.  After it's all said and done, I have a newfound appreciation for all my body has gone through.  It endured infertility treatments, lots of shots and tons of crazy medication.  Hundreds of blood draws and tests.  It housed two babies for 35 weeks.   It went through a crazy delivery and recovery.  It fed Lyla for 2 months and Archer for 6 months.  I am pretty darn happy to have the body that I have, knowing all it's done.     

Us moms are all just doing the best we can and figuring things out along the way.

I must admit, I used to be very judgy of moms before I became one.  I would look at kids hollering in stores and think to myself, "My kids will never do that."  But I've learned not to judge.  My kids have done that.  And I'm sure they'll do much worse.  Now I try to offer any mom or dad or grandma or anyone with a baby or kid an encouraging smile.  I know I sure appreciate those smiles when I get them.

I know I will continue to learn more and more about this whole motherhood thing as my babies grow up.  I look forward to it! 

Seven Months!

Seven months old sounds so old!  Archer and Lyla are practically in college!  Each month brings about a huge amount of milestones and heaps more fun!  I am trying to really soak up each and every moment with these two sweethearts. 

Both Lyla and Archer are generally pretty happy.  They only times they get grumpy is when they are tired or hungry.  I love to watch each of their personalities come through as they continue to get older.  A perfect example is when we recently introduced puffs to them.  Lyla will reach for the puff in my hand with her hands, try to hold it in her fingers and bring it to her mouth.  She's a smart girl and is definitely independent.  She likes to do things on her own.  Archer simply leaned forward and and ate the puff directly from my hand.  He's equally smart, but is good about finding the simplest means to an end while expending the least amount of energy.  The two crack me up!  

They are both really into all the different baby foods we've tried.  We've even ventured into actual solid foods, like bananas and toast.  I always said I was going to make all my babies' food before I had kids.  Then I had kids.  I realized it's far simpler to just buy the handy packs of baby food at the store.  Maybe I'll get around to it one of these days.  Jazzy is also a fan of all the different baby foods.  She gets to lick the containers once the babies are finished with them.  

  

They are both getting more and more active.  It's getting trickier to take pictures of them.  They both want to be on the move.  Lyla is so close to crawling.  She can scoot on her belly quite well and can even crawl a bit backwards, but she still hasn't figured out how to move both her arms and her legs together.  I ordered some baby gates from Amazon the other day and I am crossing my fingers they arrive before Lyla figures out how to crawl!  Archer is good about pushing himself up on his arms and can get his legs underneath himself, but he's not quite as motivated as Lyla.  Perhaps if I dangle some food in front of him he'd make a little more progress.  

Archer moved into his own room recently and is now taking all of his naps and sleeping at night in his room!  This is big progress and I think he really enjoys his own space now.  Sometimes he'll wake up from his naps and I will find him in his room just playing in his crib.  We've taken to tossing about 5 pacifiers in his crib with the hopes that he'll manage to get one in his mouth if he needs it at night.  I am so proud of him (& me) for being such a big boy and sleeping in his room all by himself!  

Archer has two teeth and likes to chew on all sorts of things.  His favorite thing to do is swing like Tarzan in his Johnny Jump Up.  He really gets swinging and one of these days he's going to run into the banister!  He's been more vocal lately and says all kinds of syllables like, "gee" and "da" and "ba."  He prefers not to be left alone in a room and makes sure I know it!  

Lyla is a busy girl!  She manages to move all over, despite not being able to crawl yet.  Whenever I leave her on the floor in the living room to do something in the kitchen or go to the bathroom, I am amazed at where I find her when I come back!  She is adept at picking up her toys and passing them from hand to hand.  She's also adept at taking whatever toy Archer is playing with out of his hands.  

Lyla loves to say "mmmmmm" as she is eating and doesn't like to wait her turn for food!  She has the cutest, chunkiest cheeks!  As the nurse who gave her the flu shot said, you'd never know she was a preemie!  She also has two teeth.  My favorite times with her are when we play in our bed after she wakes up from a nap.  She will snuggle with me a bit and will easily laugh when I tickle her neck or the backs of her thighs.    

I have a feeling next month I will be talking about how they are crawling all over the place!  Wish me luck! 

Archer & Lyla Get Their Own Rooms

Adam and I have been working really hard on getting the babies to sleep better at night.  We have a consistent nighttime routine, which has helped the babies get right to sleep when we put them to bed in their cribs in the nursery.  But they would take turns waking up in the middle of the night.  Sometimes the other baby would sleep through the crying, but more and more often the other baby would wake up from the crying.

Nap times were getting trickier, too.  During the day, I had been putting the babies in Rock 'N Plays downstairs in the living room and family room.  I liked to keep an eye on them during the day when they were little and it was easier to keep them in the main living areas.  But they are getting bigger and they won't fit in those Rock 'N Plays forever.  So I knew I needed to work on transitioning them to their cribs for nap times.

Lyla caught on right away.  She has always been the better sleeper.  I think since she sucks her thumb, she's better at self-soothing than Archer.  It only took her a day or two to be comfortable with sleeping in her crib for her naps.  Archer, on the other hand, did not care for naps in his crib.  He just cried and cried.  I would go into the nursery to soothe him, he would calm down, I would leave and then he would cry again.  This process would greatly disturb Lyla's naps.

So, we decided to move Archer to one of the guest rooms we have down the hall from our room and the nursery.  We reasoned that since Lyla was the most settled with her naps and nighttime sleeping, it made the most since to keep her in the same room.  So we booted Archer down the hall to his own room.  It is still close to our room and I can hear him cry even without the monitor.

We set to work clearing out the room.  We had the Salvation Army pick up the mattress, bed frame and box springs.  We put some of the items we might be able to reuse in the future in the basement.  And then we moved in Archer's crib.  We also hung his mobile and his name to make it feel as close as possible to his old room. 

Luckily the wall color is pretty neutral.  It's a light blue, gray color that goes well with Archer's gray crib.  It's not the color I would have picked for his room, but it will do for now.  I figure we can repaint when he's old enough to have a say in the matter.  

I wanted to make it feel a bit more homey and put-together for Archer, so we added a few other items.  I added some artwork from the nursery to the room, along with a chair we had hanging out in the basement.  

Finding some cute blackout curtains were a must and Target had the perfect boyish striped ones.  I also found this pretty sweet arrow curtain rod.  I was pretty excited to find it since our son's name is Archer.  An arrow for our Archer.  Get it?  Isn't it clever! 

For now the only other furniture in the room is a table we used as a desk in the guest bedroom.  It serves as a surface for the monitor and sound machine.  Eventually, Adam plans to build a small bookcase for that part of the room.  

It has taken awhile for Archer to get used to his new digs.  He is to the point that he sleeps for the first part of the night in his room, from his 6pm bedtime to about 1am for his bottle.  I try to put him back in his crib after his bottle, but he just cries.  So I give in and just put him in a Rock 'N Play in our room.  I think he just misses his momma.  I should probably be more diligent about getting him to sleep in his crib all night, but he is still a baby.  Quite frankly, it's just not a battle I wish to fight at 2 in the morning.  But he'll get there (and so will I).  It will just take us baby steps to get there.

He's also getting better about taking naps in his room.  It's still a process to get him asleep and usually there are a few tears.  I try to let him and Lyla play in his room during the day so he gets more used to it and sees it as a fun place to be.  He does enjoy playing in his room.  Look at that smiling boy and his TWO teeth!    

Lyla stayed in the nursery, but we did change it up just a bit for her.  We moved the changing table to the other wall where Archer's crib was located.  This helped open up the entrance to the room a bit.    

We kept her crib where it was since she's done so well sleeping.  We didn't want to rock the boat.  

We left the corner with the chair the same, so we can still sit in the chair and read books together.  Archer joins us too.  

I added a few more girly pieces to her gallery wall that used to hang in the guest bedroom.  And both kids' clothes are still together in the closet.  I figured it would be simpler to put away laundry if it was all in one place.  Eventually we'll switch over Archer's clothes to his room, but for now this works.   

Lyla continues to be happy in her room.  She likes to play on the floor and put all kinds of toys into her mouth.    

Overall, I think this was a good transition.  Eventually, we'd have to move the kids into their own bedrooms down the line.  It seemed like a good time to separate them before they grow too attached to having a roommate.  It's also been nice to have another place to play.  The babies both enjoy changing their environments up when they get bored.  Look at Miss Lyla!  She can almost sit up all by herself!    

Looking to the future, Adam and I would like to build a play kitchen for one of their rooms, along with a table and chairs.  I also see a dress up area with a mirror in their future.  A play work bench would be fun, too.  And definitely a rug with roads for them to play with cars on.  For now the open floor space is perfect for all their rolling around.  It will be fun to see how their rooms grow as Lyla and Archer continue to grow.   

Sayonara, Breast Pump!

Last I chatted about feeding my babies, Archer was still breastfeeding while Lyla was getting dairy-free formula due to a dairy allergy.  I was able to struggle through two whole months of breastfeeding Lyla and made it to three months with Archer.  He liked to snack all day long instead of eating several full meals.  I felt like all I was doing was breastfeeding.  And then I had to find time to feed Lyla and then pump.  I had worked so hard to get my milk supply up to the point where it would be enough for two babies.  Now I only had one baby who needed breast milk.  So I just kept pumping and froze the excess milk.  Our freezer got pretty full and Adam started to talk about getting a deep freezer for the basement.  I didn't think that was necessary, but we did need to free up some freezer space.  So I decided to make a donation to the Saint Luke's Heart of America Mothers' Milk Bank.  Both Archer and Lyla received donor breast milk from the milk bank when they were in the NICU before I was able to produce enough milk for them.  I was so incredibly thankful to have that available for my babies and I was really excited to be able to pay it forward by donating some of my milk.  We even got to be featured in a story about it on the news!

At that three month mark, I decided I didn't want to breastfeed every hour.  I enjoyed it sometimes, but having another baby to take care of and finding the time to eat, take a shower, do laundry, wash and make bottles, etc., etc. got to be too much for me to handle.  So I decided to switch to exclusively pumping for Archer.  When he had a bottle, he would eat more at once, which meant he was content for longer.  So now I had a little more time in between feedings.  It still didn't feel like enough time to get everything done that needed to get done.  Never mind things like vacuuming or cleaning or cooking.  So we ate a lot of frozen pizzas and the only times our floors got cleaned was when we wiped up a pile of spit up.

The transition to solely bottles for Archer was an easy one.  He had been getting bottles with breast milk I had pumped at night, so it wasn't a big deal to switch him to solely bottles.  He didn't seem to miss breastfeeding, and quite frankly, neither did I.  I had given it a valiant effort, but I just never really got the hang of breastfeeding.  I had to take my shirt completely off and use a nipple shield so he could latch on.  It was quite the production getting set up to nurse.  There were a few times when I went to a breastfeeding support group and Archer would be hungry.  Since I wasn't in my living room, I would try to be as modest as I could, though I'm sure none of the mothers would have judged me if I had taken off my shirt.  Archer couldn't understand why a shirt was in the way and I would have to awkwardly hunch over him while sitting in an uncomfortable chair.  We just weren't cut out for nursing anywhere besides our couch. 

I had made a goal for myself before my babies were born to breastfeed them for 6 months.  I figured when I got to the 6 month mark, I would see how things were going and reevaluate my goal.  Once that 6 month mark hit, I wanted to stop pumping.  I spent about a week really mulling it over to make sure I truly wanted to stop.  I did.  I knew for sure when both babies were in their exersaucers and I was pumping on the couch singing "The Wheels on the Bus" at the top of my lungs trying to get them to stop crying.  Pumping was simply interfering with the time I needed to spend with my babies.  I was spending at least two to three hours every day pumping and it was hard to find the time to do so when each baby was content enough.  I also started to feel like pumping came before me taking a shower or just doing basic self care things that are important to me.  Basically, pumping was becoming more work than it was worth.

Pumping at night was also interfering with any potential uninterrupted sleep.  I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was about 6 months pregnant.  I had to wake up to pee several times a night towards the last few months of my pregnancy.  Then the babies arrived and decent sleep became a distant memory.  Even with the generous help with night feedings we received from my mom and mother-in-law, I still had to get up to pump.  So even if the babies decided to sleep some long stretches, I didn't get to enjoy those stretches.  I know this is nothing that every mother doesn't experience.  But, man, I sure do miss sleep!  If I didn't have to get up to pump, then there was a chance I could catch a few more precious hours of sleep.

So I asked the babies' pediatrician for some formula suggestions at their 6 month checkup.  I gave Archer a bottle of formula the day following his 6 month appointment.  It didn't even seem to phase the stinker.  I must say, I was a little upset about that.  I expected him to at least somehow acknowledge that he was drinking something other than my breast milk.  The breast milk that I worked really hard to provide for him.  But no.  He was happy to drink anything I gave him.  Here he is enjoying his first full bottle of formula. 

The following day I gave him two bottles of formula, then switched to all formula the day after.  Despite being a bit miffed, I was actually glad the formula didn't phase him.  It meant I could move forward with the weaning process.  I continued to pump and freeze my breast milk during the transition to formula.  Our pediatrician recommended saving some breast milk for Lyla for the future.  Most babies who have a dairy allergy like Lyla, grow out of it.  She said breast milk tends to be an easier transition to dairy-based formula.  So I decided to save my remaining freezer stash and any milk I pumped in the meantime for Lyla.  

I called the wonderful lactation consultants at the hospital where I delivered Archer and Lyla to ask how to go about the weaning process.  I half expected them to talk me out of quitting, but they didn't.  They were kind and congratulated me on making it to 6 months.  They gave me tips on how to extend the time in between pumps, then work on eliminating pumps and shortening the time of my pumps.  

They also shared some things to help make me more comfortable during the weaning process.  Apparently cabbage leaves can help dry up your milk supply while keeping you comfortable.  I guess the enzymes in the leaves somehow help and if you keep the cabbage in the fridge, it also acts as a handy cold compress.  So I got a head of cabbage, ran a rolling pin over some leaves to release the enzymes and stuffed them in my nursing bra.  It was also recommended to put lanolin over my nipples to prevent any sensitivity from the cabbage enzymes.  So I had quite the concoction going on in my bra.    

Weaning from exclusively pumping turned out to be far trickier and take way longer than I had anticipated.  I figured it would just take a couple of days.  Ha!  It was ironic after working so hard in the beginning to get my milk to come in and then get my milk supply to increase.  Now I was annoyed by all the milk I had!  My boobs were so engorged!  I looked like a porn star, well a porn star that has heaps of stretch marks and smells like cabbage.  

I probably didn't help things by trying to move the process along quicker than I should have.  But I was so ready to be finished with pumping!  Eventually I took a few doses of Sudafed and ate an entire tin of Altoids in one day to further help my milk dry up.  Apparently peppermint is an antigalactagogue (aka something that helps decrease milk production).  

The whole process has taken a long time.  I am almost at the one month mark since starting the weaning process.  It's been about a week since I last pumped.  I can tell I still have milk and I'm told it usually takes a few weeks for it to completely go away once you stop pumping.  It has also been pretty taxing, which I hadn't expected.  It was really painful when I started dropping pumps and not pumping as often.  Holding my babies without them touching my boobs proved to be quite the challenge!  And my hormones went crazy!  I spent a few days being supremely irritated.  Poor Adam endured the brunt of that!  And then some days of depression set in.  Adam and I both consulted Dr. Google to make sure all those mood swings were normal.  They were.  According to kellymom.com (an excellent resource for all things breastfeeding/pumping related), "one of the changes that occurs with weaning is a drop in prolactin and oxytocin levels.  Prolactic, a hormone that is required for milk production, also brings with it a feeling of well-being, calmness and relaxation.  Oxytocin, the hormone that is required for milk ejection (let-down), is sometimes referred to as the 'love hormone.'  It makes sense that a sudden decrease in these hormones could have an effect on a weaning mother's emotions."  

As my breastfeeding/pumping journey comes to an end, I'm very proud of myself and my babies for how long we made it.  Much like all things related to motherhood, it took a village to make breastfeeding happen for me.  It started with Adam diligently making sure I pumped when I was too sick to think about doing so on my own during my recovery from delivery.  Then all the wonderful lactation consultants at the hospital helped provide support and encouragement.  My mom, mother-in-law and Adam struggled through those early months with me and the babies by helping us get situated for feedings and listening to me complain.  

I am happy I got to provide my babies with breast milk while I did, but I am also pretty darn excited to say goodbye to my breast pump.  I can't wait for my boobs to not be sore and hard, to not have to wear a nursing bra 24/7 and to hopefully (fingers crossed) get a bit more sleep at night!