Sayonara, Breast Pump!

Last I chatted about feeding my babies, Archer was still breastfeeding while Lyla was getting dairy-free formula due to a dairy allergy.  I was able to struggle through two whole months of breastfeeding Lyla and made it to three months with Archer.  He liked to snack all day long instead of eating several full meals.  I felt like all I was doing was breastfeeding.  And then I had to find time to feed Lyla and then pump.  I had worked so hard to get my milk supply up to the point where it would be enough for two babies.  Now I only had one baby who needed breast milk.  So I just kept pumping and froze the excess milk.  Our freezer got pretty full and Adam started to talk about getting a deep freezer for the basement.  I didn't think that was necessary, but we did need to free up some freezer space.  So I decided to make a donation to the Saint Luke's Heart of America Mothers' Milk Bank.  Both Archer and Lyla received donor breast milk from the milk bank when they were in the NICU before I was able to produce enough milk for them.  I was so incredibly thankful to have that available for my babies and I was really excited to be able to pay it forward by donating some of my milk.  We even got to be featured in a story about it on the news!

At that three month mark, I decided I didn't want to breastfeed every hour.  I enjoyed it sometimes, but having another baby to take care of and finding the time to eat, take a shower, do laundry, wash and make bottles, etc., etc. got to be too much for me to handle.  So I decided to switch to exclusively pumping for Archer.  When he had a bottle, he would eat more at once, which meant he was content for longer.  So now I had a little more time in between feedings.  It still didn't feel like enough time to get everything done that needed to get done.  Never mind things like vacuuming or cleaning or cooking.  So we ate a lot of frozen pizzas and the only times our floors got cleaned was when we wiped up a pile of spit up.

The transition to solely bottles for Archer was an easy one.  He had been getting bottles with breast milk I had pumped at night, so it wasn't a big deal to switch him to solely bottles.  He didn't seem to miss breastfeeding, and quite frankly, neither did I.  I had given it a valiant effort, but I just never really got the hang of breastfeeding.  I had to take my shirt completely off and use a nipple shield so he could latch on.  It was quite the production getting set up to nurse.  There were a few times when I went to a breastfeeding support group and Archer would be hungry.  Since I wasn't in my living room, I would try to be as modest as I could, though I'm sure none of the mothers would have judged me if I had taken off my shirt.  Archer couldn't understand why a shirt was in the way and I would have to awkwardly hunch over him while sitting in an uncomfortable chair.  We just weren't cut out for nursing anywhere besides our couch. 

I had made a goal for myself before my babies were born to breastfeed them for 6 months.  I figured when I got to the 6 month mark, I would see how things were going and reevaluate my goal.  Once that 6 month mark hit, I wanted to stop pumping.  I spent about a week really mulling it over to make sure I truly wanted to stop.  I did.  I knew for sure when both babies were in their exersaucers and I was pumping on the couch singing "The Wheels on the Bus" at the top of my lungs trying to get them to stop crying.  Pumping was simply interfering with the time I needed to spend with my babies.  I was spending at least two to three hours every day pumping and it was hard to find the time to do so when each baby was content enough.  I also started to feel like pumping came before me taking a shower or just doing basic self care things that are important to me.  Basically, pumping was becoming more work than it was worth.

Pumping at night was also interfering with any potential uninterrupted sleep.  I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was about 6 months pregnant.  I had to wake up to pee several times a night towards the last few months of my pregnancy.  Then the babies arrived and decent sleep became a distant memory.  Even with the generous help with night feedings we received from my mom and mother-in-law, I still had to get up to pump.  So even if the babies decided to sleep some long stretches, I didn't get to enjoy those stretches.  I know this is nothing that every mother doesn't experience.  But, man, I sure do miss sleep!  If I didn't have to get up to pump, then there was a chance I could catch a few more precious hours of sleep.

So I asked the babies' pediatrician for some formula suggestions at their 6 month checkup.  I gave Archer a bottle of formula the day following his 6 month appointment.  It didn't even seem to phase the stinker.  I must say, I was a little upset about that.  I expected him to at least somehow acknowledge that he was drinking something other than my breast milk.  The breast milk that I worked really hard to provide for him.  But no.  He was happy to drink anything I gave him.  Here he is enjoying his first full bottle of formula. 

The following day I gave him two bottles of formula, then switched to all formula the day after.  Despite being a bit miffed, I was actually glad the formula didn't phase him.  It meant I could move forward with the weaning process.  I continued to pump and freeze my breast milk during the transition to formula.  Our pediatrician recommended saving some breast milk for Lyla for the future.  Most babies who have a dairy allergy like Lyla, grow out of it.  She said breast milk tends to be an easier transition to dairy-based formula.  So I decided to save my remaining freezer stash and any milk I pumped in the meantime for Lyla.  

I called the wonderful lactation consultants at the hospital where I delivered Archer and Lyla to ask how to go about the weaning process.  I half expected them to talk me out of quitting, but they didn't.  They were kind and congratulated me on making it to 6 months.  They gave me tips on how to extend the time in between pumps, then work on eliminating pumps and shortening the time of my pumps.  

They also shared some things to help make me more comfortable during the weaning process.  Apparently cabbage leaves can help dry up your milk supply while keeping you comfortable.  I guess the enzymes in the leaves somehow help and if you keep the cabbage in the fridge, it also acts as a handy cold compress.  So I got a head of cabbage, ran a rolling pin over some leaves to release the enzymes and stuffed them in my nursing bra.  It was also recommended to put lanolin over my nipples to prevent any sensitivity from the cabbage enzymes.  So I had quite the concoction going on in my bra.    

Weaning from exclusively pumping turned out to be far trickier and take way longer than I had anticipated.  I figured it would just take a couple of days.  Ha!  It was ironic after working so hard in the beginning to get my milk to come in and then get my milk supply to increase.  Now I was annoyed by all the milk I had!  My boobs were so engorged!  I looked like a porn star, well a porn star that has heaps of stretch marks and smells like cabbage.  

I probably didn't help things by trying to move the process along quicker than I should have.  But I was so ready to be finished with pumping!  Eventually I took a few doses of Sudafed and ate an entire tin of Altoids in one day to further help my milk dry up.  Apparently peppermint is an antigalactagogue (aka something that helps decrease milk production).  

The whole process has taken a long time.  I am almost at the one month mark since starting the weaning process.  It's been about a week since I last pumped.  I can tell I still have milk and I'm told it usually takes a few weeks for it to completely go away once you stop pumping.  It has also been pretty taxing, which I hadn't expected.  It was really painful when I started dropping pumps and not pumping as often.  Holding my babies without them touching my boobs proved to be quite the challenge!  And my hormones went crazy!  I spent a few days being supremely irritated.  Poor Adam endured the brunt of that!  And then some days of depression set in.  Adam and I both consulted Dr. Google to make sure all those mood swings were normal.  They were.  According to kellymom.com (an excellent resource for all things breastfeeding/pumping related), "one of the changes that occurs with weaning is a drop in prolactin and oxytocin levels.  Prolactic, a hormone that is required for milk production, also brings with it a feeling of well-being, calmness and relaxation.  Oxytocin, the hormone that is required for milk ejection (let-down), is sometimes referred to as the 'love hormone.'  It makes sense that a sudden decrease in these hormones could have an effect on a weaning mother's emotions."  

As my breastfeeding/pumping journey comes to an end, I'm very proud of myself and my babies for how long we made it.  Much like all things related to motherhood, it took a village to make breastfeeding happen for me.  It started with Adam diligently making sure I pumped when I was too sick to think about doing so on my own during my recovery from delivery.  Then all the wonderful lactation consultants at the hospital helped provide support and encouragement.  My mom, mother-in-law and Adam struggled through those early months with me and the babies by helping us get situated for feedings and listening to me complain.  

I am happy I got to provide my babies with breast milk while I did, but I am also pretty darn excited to say goodbye to my breast pump.  I can't wait for my boobs to not be sore and hard, to not have to wear a nursing bra 24/7 and to hopefully (fingers crossed) get a bit more sleep at night!