Why I Will Never Ask a Lady If She's Pregnant

Prior to losing my baby, I hadn't really ever considered how asking a woman if she was pregnant might make her feel.  I can't remember ever asking a lady if she was pregnant, but I definitely won't be asking any gal ever again.  The same goes for asking husbands if their wives are pregnant.  Not even if she is clearly nine months pregnant.

The reason why is that it can be incredibly hurtful to women, especially if they are having difficulty conceiving.  And I speak from experience.  Luckily, most of my family, friends and acquaintances are incredibly kind and considerate of my situation.  They know how desperate I am to get pregnant and are very respectful of the topic around me.  

I realize that by blogging about infertility, I am opening up myself and my experience to others.  I do welcome conversations about infertility and am happy to talk to anyone who asks.  My point is that there's a time and place to talk about such sensitive issues.  

When I have one-on-one conversations with my friends or family members and they ask how things are going, that's a perfectly acceptable way to bring up the topic.  By phrasing questions like, "How are you and Adam doing?" or "I think about you all the time," people give me the floor to speak about our infertility struggles without being disrespectful.  It allows me to share whichever piece of information I would like to share.

Asking me point-blank if I am pregnant is not very helpful or kind.  Especially, if we're in the company of others or through social media.  It becomes a horrible reminder that I am not pregnant and it is embarrassing for me to have to admit that I'm not pregnant.  Quite frankly, it's rude.  And it's no one else's business.  

I can think of one particularly difficult example.  When I was working at our district's registration day before school started last year, I had a nosy parent ask me if I was hiding a bump underneath my dress in front of a humongous line full of people and a big group of my co-workers.  After making a mental note to never wear that particular dress again, I responded by saying, "No, I'm just a bit fat."  Now, this was not the most professional answer and given the chance to replay the situation, I would have responded differently.  But in that moment I was so shocked that she was so bold about her question.  It put me on the spot and made me feel awful.  

Unfortunately, there have been other instances when this issue has come up.  To be fair, I don't believe people acted out of malice or any ill-will towards me.  And I know that if they knew how much it hurt me, they would take it back.  

My hope with this post is not to make anyone feel bad about things they might have said to me or other women.  I just want people to stop and think before they speak.

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