Even though 2 years, 1 month and 2 days have gone by, I still think about her all the time. It's hard not to think of her with all the everyday reminders. I think about her every time I go to our backyard, where we sprinkled her ashes. I think about her every time I walk past the empty nursery in our house. And while I don't burst into tears each time I think about her like I used to, she's still very much a part of my life.
Every once in awhile, I will go into our empty nursery. I pull out the sonogram pictures from the drawer they are buried in and look at my sweet girl. I re-read all the thoughtful cards that people sent to us.
There is so much love in those cards. And the emails and Facebook messages and texts and phone calls we received. I always knew people cared about me, but I don't think I really understood how much I was loved until we lost our baby. It's incredibly overwhelming, in a very sweet way.
It's a weird to think that so much time has passed. In a lot of ways, it feels like just yesterday I was sitting on our couch with no clue how to pick up the pieces. But then I think about how far I've come. It's been a long road with lots of anger and sadness, but also lots of love and growth. I feel like I'm a stronger person now, more equipped to handle life. I'm better able to respond to other people who are going through sad times.
I also feel like I'm finally at a place in my life where I can move forward. It's taken two years to get there, but I'm so glad to finally be there. It's not that I've moved on from my baby, I've just come to accept it as a part of my life. She'll always be a part of my life and there will still be times that I cry about her. But I'm doing a better job of looking forward rather than looking backwards.
I am feeling hope more than ever. While the acupuncture treatments haven't done the trick just yet, I really feel like a healthy pregnancy is in my near future. I'm very happy to have more hope in my life.
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