Fake It Til You Make It

There have certainly been some trying times for me over the past 2 years.  I have been upset, frustrated, depressed and unhappy at one point or another. It's really easy to get stuck in those feelings and stay there.  However, that's no way to live.

Sometimes you have to push yourself beyond those feelings.  It's not easy and sometimes it doesn't work.  One thing that does work surprisingly well is to fake it til you make it.  

Well before I was ready to move past the loss of my baby, I decided to fake it. I convinced myself that it was time to move forward and not spend my days thinking about my baby.  So, I started my job as a secretary as a way to distract myself from my thoughts.  Doing so required me to smile even when I didn't feel like smiling.  I had to act pleasant and like I had my shit together even though I felt like I was falling apart on the inside.  It turned out to be easier than I thought.

Acting like I was okay somehow tricked my mind into thinking I was okay. That first day as a secretary was hard.  It happened to be the due date for my baby, which didn't make anything easier.  But I pushed through.  I faked my way through the day and ended up okay at the end of the day.  

I am not suggesting that you ignore your grief and pretend that it's not there. You definitely need to feel and live your grief.  But sometimes you have to say enough is enough and start moving forward.  

I try to be positive in my daily life.  I try to smile.  I try to appreciate kindness and generosity when I see it.  I try to be okay with losing my baby.  I try to be okay with having fertility issues.  I don't always succeed.  During those days when I struggle, I just fake it.  I put on a smile and look for the silver linings.

      

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